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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29526738">It's a Charmed Life. Sort of.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagnusXXZ/pseuds/MagnusXXZ'>MagnusXXZ</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV), Charmed (TV 1998)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 17:34:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,466</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29526738</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagnusXXZ/pseuds/MagnusXXZ</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Xander Harris finds a magical VCR from last Halloween. And decides to have some fun with it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cordelia Chase/Xander Harris</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>It’s a Charmed Life. Sort of.</strong>
</p><p>Disclaimer: I do not own Btvs, Charmed, or any other show/movie within this work of fiction. Nor will I be paid for this work.</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>“So wait, we’re just going to hang out till they do the spell and hope for the best?” Willow asked.</p><p>“If I remember correctly, this is the episode where Leo gets poisoned by the Darklighter and they swap powers so Piper can heal him.” Xander explained. “Its like a Freaky Friday ep with their powers.”</p><p>“Yeah, I get that. But we’re just going to be outside their door waiting and hoping one of us gets their powers? And why isn’t Faith here? We could use a slayer if that Darklitter shows up.” Cordeila said with a frown.</p><p>“Dark<em>lighter</em>. And the powers swap without any plaining, randomly. Which is why Faith couldn’t come. As soon as we get the powers, we hightail it out of here till the episode ends and we go back to the real world.”</p><p>“Oh! If one of the sister’s gets Faith’s slayer powers, we don’t want to leave the episode without them.” Willow exclaimed.</p><p>“Exactly. The goal here is the grab up the Charmed Ones witch powers, and hide out till the eps over. Then we’ll have them in the real world. Faith here means we might lose her powers in the process.” Xander pointed out.</p><p>“I can’t believe that Rayne guy magic’d a VCR last Halloween and just left it behind.” Cordy said while peering through the Manor’s front window.</p><p>“Yep. Apparently follow through wasn’t his strong point.” Xander said while looking at his watch and trying to remember how long into the episode it was before the magic spell happened.</p><p>“And there they go.” Cordeila informed them as shouts came from the attic and the sisters ran up the stairs.</p><p>“Can’t be much longer now.” Willow was looking around at the lawn, the streets behind them. “Its super freaky that this is like…a pocket dimension. Just put in the tape of a movie or tv show and hop right in.”</p><p>“Its magic. Freaky is its natural state.” But Xander agreed.</p><p>Looking around with her, it was like a real world instead an episode. They could wait here, or go to one of the other places/sets and hang out. Super freaky.</p><p>“So wait, what happens if we don’t get the powers? Or if we get Tits McGee’s stupid premonitions? Lame.” Cordeila said out loud.</p><p>Willow just looked at the cheerleaders lowcut shirt and ample bust while raising her eyebrow at Xander and mouthing ‘Tits McGee? Really?’</p><p>Xander shared her amusement at the irony, but wasn’t going to point that out in ear shout of his girlfriend or her ample tits. That way lies madness, and lonely Friday nights restricted from said tits.</p><p>“Well, if we don’t catch the powers we want they’ll be another swap in a graveyard later in the episode. If we miss that too, we can just wait till the episode’s over and put it in again.”</p><p>“Or if we catch powers we don’t like, then we’ll just introduce ourselves and pretend we don’t know whats going on. They’ll swap them back so that normal bystanders don’t know anything about it.” Xander explained. He’d put a lot of thought into this idea over the last week.</p><p>“They have that much impromptu control over things? Not just stuck following the storyline?” Willow questioned, rolling the ideas around in her head.</p><p>“Yep. I’ve introduced myself a few times, ordered food at Piper’s restaurant. Once you change the storyline it just keeps going in new ways. But everything goes back to factory settings when the episode ends.”</p><p>“Aaaaaaaand we’re busted.” Cordeila said right before the front door opened.</p><p>“What, why are you on my doorstep?” Prue asked, irritated that a bunch of teenagers were lurking on her stoop while her sister’s boyfriend/Whiteligher was bleeding to death in her attic.</p><p>The Scoobies just looked at one another for a few moments before Xander spoke, “….Would you like a subscription to <em>The Watchtower</em>?”</p><p>~~~</p><p>“I can’t believe she cursed like that. I thought this show was PG-13.” Willow complained as they walked down the street away from the Manor.</p><p>“Like I said, once you start messing with the storyline they will react in ways their characters would outside of it. And the show is PG-13, but you’ve seen them cut away right as one of the characters is about to curse or they cover that persons mouth before they can say it.”</p><p>“So the episode stays pretty after school special, but since we’re <em>in</em> the episode then there aren’t any cut too scenes.” Xander explained. “But yeah, I wasn’t expecting Prue Halliwell to tell us to <em>fuck off</em>.”</p><p>“So what, we’re going to just sit on the side of the road till the episode ends? I wanted to freeze things with my hands.” Cordeila said with a pout.</p><p>“Yeah, no, I’d forgotten that Prue goes to see Andy to rescue that <em>would be</em> Whitelighter chick. So they’ll do that, then she’ll return and Piper will do the spell.”</p><p>“Unless meeting us on her porch changes things.” Willow poked holes in Xander’s plan.</p><p>“It shouldn’t. We didn’t really change anything.”</p><p>But Willow had a point. He’d watched the episode when it first came out on tv, and got the first two seasons when he found the magic VCR. But Xander hadn’t re-watched closely enough.</p><p>Maybe it had thrown things off and it would mess up the rest of the storyline, sending it in a new and different direction?</p><p>“So, we wait till Miss Potty mouth returns and sneak into the living room as they do they spell?” The red haired hacker questioned.</p><p>“Yeah, I guess. We don’t want to get caught though. They could always call the cops on us, and we’d spend the rest of the episode in a cell. And we don’t want to meet the Darklighter guy. If I remember right his hands are killer.”</p><p>“Wait. We can get hurt in here?” Cordeila exclaimed.</p><p>“Yeah, like Willow said…its like a pocket dimension. We can get hurt, maybe killed depending, we can eat and when the episode ends we’re still hurt or our belly is still filled with food.”</p><p>“That’s where I got the idea. If its in us, then it returns to the real world with us. Not just pizza. But the Charmed One’s powers.” Xander explained to them.</p><p>“Xander, you didn’t say we could get hurt in here.” Willow told him with a frown.</p><p>“We won’t. We’ll wait till Prue comes back, hide in the living room then skedaddle. The episode will end, and we’re home free. Hopefully with all their powers.”</p><p>“Oh,” Willow said, her frown lessening, “I guess it’s safer then patrolling. And with their powers we’d be a lot safer with the real problems. Vampires wouldn’t be a lot of trouble if I freeze them and we stake them while they’re standing there.”</p><p>“Hey! I called dibs on freezing.” Cordeila told her indignantly.</p><p>“But won’t they notice some of their powers are gone? What happens if they see us? We’re just going to hide from them till the ep ends?” Willow continued, ignoring Cordeila.</p><p>“Yeah, but they won’t hurt us. And if we’re in public, they can’t do the Freaky Friday spell.” Genius, Xander thought.</p><p>“But they can still call Andy, Pure’s boyfriend the cop. And lock us up and do the spell at police headquarters or he could make us go back to the Manor and then they’ll do the spell on us.”</p><p>Xander looked around a second, then pointed across the street. “Only if they can find us. We’ll run off, break into that house and just wait.”</p><p>“We’re breaking and entering now?”</p><p>“Willow, they aren’t real. We’re not going to get into trouble for property damage.” Cordeila told her, still irritated that the red head planned on ignoring her dibs.</p><p>Still frowning, Willow continued, “But what about Leo? Without one of them getting his healing powers…isn’t he going to die?”</p><p>Xander shook his head with a sigh,” You’re getting to hung up on these things. Like Cordy said, they aren’t real. Everything will reset once we leave. Poof, Leo alive again.”</p><p>“I guess.”</p><p>“Willow, Jesus. They’re like Sims. You wall them up and watch them die. Or that movie with the robot cowboys.” Cordeila said, tired of the argument.</p><p>“WestWorld, yeah. But wasn’t the point of that movie that its morally wrong to do things to robots even if they look like people? Because they ended up having feelings, hopes, and dreams?”</p><p>“We’re not walling them up and watching them die. We’re going to take their powers, and use them to save people in the real world.” Xander explained, trying to head off any further arguments.</p><p>Willow shook her head, “But its that like…the storyline of 90% of the bad guys on this show? Steal their powers, kill the witches, kill the witches, steal their powers?”</p><p>“Do you want to go home? Is that it? Because we can just sit here and wait for this episode to be over and then you can go home. Xander &amp; I will just come back after you leave and get them. For fucks sake.” Cordeila said with exasperation.</p><p>“Then next patrol I’ll be freezing vampires, and Xander will be using his eyes to stake them. And you can just sit on the sidelines like always.”</p><p>“Hey, no! That’s not what I said.” Willow shouted.</p><p>“Ladies…-“Xander said before being cut off.</p><p>“Stay out of this.” Cordeila told her boyfriend, before turning back to the ginger. “Oh, of course. You still want the powers. You just don’t want to have to do any work to get them.”</p><p>“Ladies, please…-“ He tried and failed to intervene.</p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean? I pull my own weight!” Willow shouted over him. “I do more research then both of you combined! I have every right to cool powers!”</p><p>“Oooh, little Ms. Reads a lot, when was the last time you staked a vampire? The way I remember it, you were making Buffy’s stupid puns over the summer while Xander &amp; I did all the heavy lifting.” Cordeila shouted back, starting to get into the shorter girl’s face.</p><p>“Ladies!” Xander stepped between them.</p><p>“What?!?” They yelled simultaneously.</p><p>“She’s already gone back into the Manor. We missed the spell.”</p><p>He’d spent the rest of the episode making sure neither girl scratched the other’s eyes, or pulled chunks of hair out.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Not a Psycho.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Xander Harris was not a happy camper.</p>
<p>The night hadn’t gone exactly, or in reality, in <em>any</em> way the direction he’d expected. It was a fool proof plan. But we all know what God says about plans.</p>
<p>How was he supposed to know Willow was going to fall down a moral gloryhole? ‘What about poor Leo? He could <em>dieeeeeee</em>.’</p>
<p>Not that Cordy had made it any better. They’d spent an entire summer defending Sunnydale from ghouls, and ghosts, and vampires. And in all that time there hadn’t been nearly as much ruckus as this.</p>
<p>So even when Willow decided to leave, not willing to give the whole thing a go again, that left Xander with an unhappy girlfriend. Who was more then willing to go into great length on why Willow was <em>the worst</em> but also why this was actually <em>his</em> fault.</p>
<p>So in conclusion; Xander was not a happy camper.</p>
<p>“They aren’t even really people!” She exclaimed.</p>
<p>“Yes, I know. For the 10<sup>th</sup> time I completely agree with you.”</p>
<p>“And its not like we were even going to hurt them! Even though Prue is sort of a bitch. All Willow had to do was sneak into the living room with us and wait. <em>Wait</em>!”</p>
<p>“Cor, I know. I agree.” He tried again.</p>
<p>“But <em>noooo</em>, the Sims have hopes &amp; dreams! They have <em>feeeelings</em>. As if.”</p>
<p>“Cordy, please. My parents are gone for like….another hour, tops. If we aren’t going into the show again, we could at least make out a little.”</p>
<p>“The nerve of her,” she refused to relent. “I deserve cool powers too,” Queen C said sarcastically, “except she doesn’t want to earn them. She just expects us to do all the work while she reaps the benefits.”</p>
<p>“Getting the idea this has nothing to do with the argument that just happened.”</p>
<p>“You think?!?” She glared, before her gaze softened on his kick puppy look.</p>
<p>“We busted our asses to protect this town from <strong>monsters</strong>…for <em>months</em>. And sure, even with the four of us we got like three vamps out of every ten but we aren’t <strong>slayers</strong>!”</p>
<p>“While the actual slayer fucked off to LA because she was feeling emo over her dead monster boyfriend. Newflash, he tried to eat us! So while we were defending a hellmouth, she was waiting tables and feeling sorry for herself!”</p>
<p>“Cor…”</p>
<p>“Don’t start, Harris! You know I’m right. You and I came up with the walkies to keep in touch, loaded up on holy water squirt guns &amp; stakes. Even Oz was useful with a crossbow as an assist. But what did Willow do?!?”</p>
<p>“She acted as a distraction, most of the time.” He ventured. Though in all honesty he didn’t feel like disagreeing with anything she was saying.</p>
<p>“All of the <em>time</em>! And how useful was her acting like a weak little schoolgirl to lure in the vampires?”</p>
<p>“And that’s not even what really pisses me off. Because as soon as princess Buffy gets back from her summer of flipping burgers, Willow attaches herself to that blond ditz’s ass like a pimple. And do we get so much as a ‘good job team?’”</p>
<p>“Cordeila, I know. I get it.”</p>
<p>“No, we don’t get a pat on the back. Not from little Ms. Stabs people with pieces of wood, and not from Giles. Who spent the entire time either searching for her in LA, or day drinking like a loser.”</p>
<p>“Xander, we could have died. People actually <em>did</em> die. For every three we got, seven were out there <span class="u">eating</span> people. And does Buffy care? No, she turns around and reads US the riot act because we didn’t give her enough sympathy for how tough things were on her. Are you fucking kidding me?”</p>
<p>Irritated now, remembering Buffy’s mocking off him when he pointed out how desperate and sad Joyce had been, “I <em>know</em>! Damn it, don’t you think I know?”</p>
<p>“That’s why I saw this magical VCR as a Godsend. We have to put up with Buffy’s shit because she’s the slayer, but if we had powers, we could defend ourselves. We could take the fight to the vamps and demons, we’d be…I don’t know…”</p>
<p>“The heroes?” The cheerleader said plainly.</p>
<p>“That’s not…I don’t, I don’t want <em>credit</em>. Sure, Giles giving us a ‘good job’ would have been great. And deserving. But it’s not about that. You’re right, people died. And I could have saved them. I <em>should</em> have saved them.”</p>
<p>She enveloped him within her arms.</p>
<p>“Xander, that’s not on you. Like I said, we might have only got three every so often, but you’d get two of those three every time. Without superpowers or a bullshit destiny you can whine about or lord over everyone’s head.”</p>
<p>People didn’t get it, or really <em>Willow</em> didn’t get why he would date Queen C. The girl who could and often did flay you alive with her acid wit.</p>
<p>But no one took his side. Not really. Buffy could leave town for months and everyone would welcome her back with tears &amp; open arms. She let her evil ex-boyfriend spent months eating people, and it was ‘poor Buffy this’ and ‘how hard it most be for Buffy that.’</p>
<p>And if he pointed this out? Oh, it was because he was ‘jealous’, if he brought up that Ms. Calendar was murdered then ‘he’ was the villain.</p>
<p>Not Buffy, who could have stopped it at any time. Not deadboy, because he was the tragic figure in Buffy’s star crossed love story.</p>
<p>“You know I love you?” He whispered into her hair.</p>
<p>“I love you too, you big goof.”</p>
<p>Cordeila arched her eyebrow as she looked up at him, “you said something about wanting to make out before?” Grinning as she leaned up towards him.</p>
<p>“Best girlfriend ever.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>~~~</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“What if we went earlier?” She mumbled while kissing along her boyfriend’s jawline.</p>
<p>“Hmm…” Xander said, distracted. Her body was absolutely sinful, Queen C’s ample breasts pressed against his chest, his hands resting around her waist as she nibbled his neck.</p>
<p>“Focus, dweeb.” She said with a smile, not at all displeased at how lost in their make-out session she could make him.</p>
<p>“Busy here, Cor. The parental units will be back in like 10 minutes.” He gave her ass a quick slap for emphasis.</p>
<p>She stopped her necking to give him a playful glare,” none of that buster, or they might walk in on something that’d scar everyone involved.”</p>
<p>“I meant, what if we went in the show earlier?”</p>
<p>“What for? There’s only two seasons out so far, and only one episode where they swap powers.”</p>
<p>“Well no, but there was one thing that Willow got right. The bad guys spent like 90% of the show trying to steal their powers, right?” She pushed him back for a little breathing room. Unaware which of them, or if it was both, who gave out that unhappy grunt at being parted.</p>
<p>“Yeah. But we’re not warlocks, or whatever.” He said, not seeing her point.</p>
<p>“But do we need to be? I mean, don’t the boy witches spend most of the time trying to kill them with like…a magical power sucking shank?”</p>
<p>“Athame. A power stealing <em>athame</em>.”</p>
<p>“Sure, but that’s still just a power sucking knife. Couldn’t we pop into one of the early episodes and just take it and stab them ourselves?”</p>
<p>“Well, yeah, I guess. I think the first episode has a crime scene where the warlock, not <em>boy</em> witch, they are called warlocks, kills a witch and leaves his athame. He’s Piper’s boyfriend, and tries to use a new one on her not long after she gets her powers.” He explained.</p>
<p>Cordeila quirked her eyebrow at him again, “And here I thought you just watched this show to see Alyssa Milano’s tits bounce as they fight ‘<em>warlocks</em>.’”</p>
<p>“That too. But I like the story.” He said while rolling the idea around in his mind.</p>
<p>“Isn’t that kind of, I dunno, violent? I mean, sure, they aren’t real. And I know they respawn like video game characters once the episode’s over. But stabbing them to death to get their powers? I guess I’d feel like the badguy.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, okay, I can see that. But waiting in their living room and hoping we get the cool powers and not like ‘death touch’ or ‘mental pictures touch?’” She said with a shrug.</p>
<p>“Like you said, they’re Sims. Who come back to life as soon as you pop in the tape. We could copy all three of their powers for you, then I could do it. And bam, we both have the <strong>Power of Three</strong> &amp; spell casting.”</p>
<p>“And Willow?”</p>
<p>“Screw her. She wants to play stupid games, she can win stupid prizes. Or better yet, no prizes at all.” </p>
<p>“And if you feel hinky once we get in there, I dunno, we could wait till the girls are casting the spell on the warlock guy and shank him instead while he’s distracted.” She wasn’t a psycho, no matter what she’d said before…she didn’t actually wall up Sims to watch them death.</p>
<p>“Yeah, okay. If its too freaksome to stab the girls, then we’ll take turns stabbing Piper’s warlock ex. He had some cool powers. Changing his voice to copy others, making wind tunnels, sure the finger fires were dumb but I guess we could light peoples cigarette’s as party favors.”</p>
<p>“Cool!” She heard the front door of Xander’s house open, “we’ll pick this up tomorrow after school. Willow can just bite me.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Buffy really could be the worst. I mean, she dated serial killers &amp; baby rapists. I know with all the blowback from Joss's toxic behavior, people are taking a closer look at the storylines in Btvs. But I keep running across people who seem to miss the point entirely. </p>
<p>They want to paint Xander as the bad guy, for pointing out Buffy's behavior, or how he's a villain because he's Joss's self insert. </p>
<p>And ignoring the fact that Angel murdered men, women, and children in season 2 while Buffy moped and did nothing. Or that Spike attempted to rape her, only to have her confess her love for him the next season when he got his 'soul'. Those are massively toxic storylines. </p>
<p>My rant is now over. Feed me with reviews please.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Bad cop, bored cop.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“Oh come on, it’s a little funny.” Xander said as he shook his cuffed hand against the table the other end was attached too.</p>
<p>“We got arrest. For trying to steal a murder weapon from a crime scene.” Cordeila ground out. “I didn’t even get arrested when we stole that rocket launcher from the army base.”</p>
<p>Through the one two way mirror looking into the interview room, detectives Morris &amp; Trudeau gave each other a look.</p>
<p>‘Rocket launcher,’ Morris mouthed.</p>
<p>Detective Andy Trudeau just shook his head and turned back to peer through the mirror.</p>
<p>“To be fair, the guard on duty was more interested in us having sex while looking at all the weapons.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, interested in <em>me</em>. The pervert.” Queen C sniffed.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Sunnydale’s #1 class clown said with a grin, “but it made it easy to load up all the ammo and the pistols too. Who knew these guys would be Johnny on the spot for one stabbing?”</p>
<p>“You should have! I thought this whole thing was your passion, besides gawking at Alyssa Milano &amp; Shannen Doherty’s braless tits as they ‘save the world.’”</p>
<p>Looking sheepish now, “I thought we had more time. I’m really going to have to re-watch everything before we pop in.”</p>
<p>“But it ‘is’ funny,” Xander said before nudging his girlfriend with his shoulder, “how many murders and missing persons have we walked away from scot free and we get pinched over this?”</p>
<p>“Well, at least it’s not going on my record or anything. How would I explain this to my daddy’s lawyer?” Despite herself, Cordeila’s lips were quirking upwards.</p>
<p>“See! Besides, we didn’t even kill her. So we’ll just hang out till time runs out and try again.” All in all, Xander wasn’t having a terrible time.</p>
<p>As many times as Buffy &amp; Giles had been pulled into interview rooms just like this over the years, this was his first. And even if it wasn’t ‘real’ the novelty of it all was kind of cool.</p>
<p>“No, I don’t believe you two are going anywhere anytime soon.” Andy finally said, as he and detective Darryl Morris walked through the interview door. They’d been planning on letting the suspects sweat….but apparently that wasn’t happening.</p>
<p>“Neato, Lethal Weapon knockoffs.” Cordy snarked.</p>
<p>Xander snorted, “sorry,” not expecting the look of outrage on the detectives faces. The cheerleader’s quip-fu was strong.</p>
<p>“Do you have any idea what kind of trouble you two are looking at? We have you two at a crime scene, standing over a dead woman, holding the <em>murder</em> weapon. Did I miss anything?” Andy asked his partner.</p>
<p>Darryl just nodded, “that about covers it.”</p>
<p>“Lame. Is there a fast forward button anywhere?”</p>
<p>“Come on, Cor. They’re just doing their jobs.” He said before giving his butt a little wiggle in his seat, it was like being in an episode of NYPD Blue.</p>
<p>“Their jobs don’t matter. Do we really have to wait the whole time in here? We’re going to miss everything.” <br/>“Are you two crazy? We have you dead to rights. There have been a string of occult murders and you two were found standing ‘<em>over’</em> the latest victim with the bloody knife in your hands!” Andy said before slamming down a folder onto the table the scoobies were cuffed too.</p>
<p>“Now I want you to explain all this….witch stuff, candles, herbs,  ceremonial knives.”</p>
<p>“<em>Athame</em>. They’re called athame. Do they not have google here?”</p>
<p>“This level of nerd interest in Charmed is <em>s00o</em> not a turn on.” Cordeila said while rolling her eyes.</p>
<p>“I just want them to use the right words. This script is really lack luster.”</p>
<p>“Oh, you think this is all a joke?” Andy fumed, “is this funny to you?” He opened the file and started slapping crime scene photos down.</p>
<p>“These people are <em>dead</em>.”</p>
<p>“Completely dead? Or just a little dead? Because I swear I saw one breathing.”</p>
<p>“It was a pilot. You can’t expect their A-games.” The lone female scooby said, bored while she flipped through the pictures.</p>
<p>“Actually, the pilot had a completely different actress playing Phoebe.”</p>
<p>“Why am I dating you again?”</p>
<p>“Knock off the comedy bit! I want answers, and neither of you are going anywhere till I get them. What’s the witch angle? Why kill them with a ceremonial dagger? Are you Satanists?”</p>
<p>“My money’s on psycho’s.” Darryl put in his two cents.</p>
<p>“……I swear we had this conversation already,” she quipped.</p>
<p>“Can I get a coke?” At his girlfriends look he continued, “what? I’m getting thirsty and we have like forty minutes to kill.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>~~~</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Appearing back in Xander’s basement.</p>
<p>“Okay, that was kind of cool.”</p>
<p>“See!” Xander said with enthusiasm. “I was not expecting the sisters to bail us out and demand answers about the killings.”</p>
<p>“Playing the role of watcher, without the ugly tweed, was a nice turn of events. Too bad they cursed the guy before we could shank him.”</p>
<p>“Exactly! We got to do the whole bit, ‘you are witches, magics real, warlocks want to date and then kill you,’ and warlock Jeremy’s powers are very cool up close. We gotta go again.” He was practically on a sugar high.</p>
<p>“<em>You</em> have to actually re-watch the episodes before we pop in. This guess work isn’t getting the job done.” But she wasn’t too discouraged, and his happiness was infectious.</p>
<p>“Fine, fine. We’ll put the tape in a regular VCR. But I’m sure I’ve got the gist. Murder, detective angry pants giving a lot of exposition, Phoebe shows back up, spookiness with the book of shadows, everyone has powers, hijinks occur, big fight scene.”</p>
<p>“Didn’t need a blow by blow, what we need is the timing. How long between the scenes? And why were we in the episode so long? I thought these things were like forty minutes, tops.” She took a seat on the couch while Xander looked for his old VCR.</p>
<p>“Well, if we aren’t in any of the scenes they’ll continue like normal. But once we’re interacting then they become…I dunno, normal time wise.”</p>
<p>“Meaning?”</p>
<p>“Okay, its like this….the sisters are all in the manor, but then one of them has to go to Quake or any other location, the episode has a cut to scene. But if we’re with them, we’re with them the whole time. Getting into their car, driving to the location, traffic, the whole bit. It lengthens everything.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” she checked her watch,” but it’s still been less then an hour.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, out ‘<em>here’</em>. Normal time in the real world stays that way. It just seems like a lot more time passes when we’re in the show. Pocket dimension rules I guess.”</p>
<p>“Having trouble?” She asked him, watching as he went through box after box.</p>
<p>“I guess my parents through out the old VCR.”</p>
<p>“So back to guess work..-hey! What the hell!” Cordeila Chase jumped up when she noticed she was missing something under her skirt.</p>
<p>“Wha…whats wrong?” Xander looked around, trying to pinpoint the danger.</p>
<p>“My…eh….my panties are missing.”</p>
<p>“What?!?”</p>
<p>“Shh…keep it down, the last thing I need is to explain that statement to your wino father,” she smoothed down her skirt, “after the fight with warlock Jeremy, Piper let me use the shower and borrow a pair.”</p>
<p>“Why would you need to borrow panties?” He said, his eyebrows reaching towards his hairline.</p>
<p>“Soo not the point, but they got torn when the badguy made that wind tunnel in the attic. The ‘point’ however is WHERE’S MY PANTIES?!?”</p>
<p>“Calm down, Cor. I assume you threw the torn pair in the trash while we were there?” At her nod he continued, “and you were wearing Piper’s extra pair. But that’s the thing, when we leave the episode we can’t keep things that aren’t in us. Its why when we eat a meal there, we don’t hop out hungry.”</p>
<p>“That’s a stupid rule.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t make it. But it is why we haven’t jumped into a Star Wars movie so I could take a lightsaber. It just vanishes.”</p>
<p>“But how do you know we’ll even be able to keep whatever powers we get from there?” She questioned, still trying to push her hemline down.</p>
<p>“I’ve tested that one, and not just with pizza. I put a quarter I got from an ep in my mouth, and when I popped back out it was still there.”</p>
<p>“Gross, but I guess it works then.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. After we get witch powers, we’ve got to hit a pirate movie or something. Gold coins &amp; gems are on the to-do list.”</p>
<p>The implications of that made her eyes widen, “we’re gonna be rich! Well, you’re going to be rich. I’ll be rich<em>er</em>.”</p>
<p>“Yep! Now, do you want to borrow a pair of my pants before we do this?”</p>
<p>“As if, I’ll go commando before I wear your ugly jeans.”</p>
<p>“Truly the heart of appreciation, Cor.”</p>
<p>“Just don’t get us arrested again, the WB’s lame excuses for Riggs &amp; Murtaugh were totally the worst part of the episode.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. I need a shower.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Talmadge.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, at least you thought to bring an umbrella.” Cordeila said, as the night sky poured down buckets.</p>
<p>“Hey, I said I was going to re-watch the episode.”</p>
<p>“Only took you a week ‘<em>after’</em> we started jumping into the show.” She said as they hurried into the lobby. “So what’s the sitch?”</p>
<p>“Okay, blond witch upstairs, setting up a prayer circle, lighting waaay to many candles with her fingers, creepy Jeremy lurking outside waiting till she finishes so he can stab her.” Xander ran her through it.</p>
<p>“Why are all badguys the same? I swear, lurking, waiting for jump scares, its as lame as vampires always saying ‘looks like dinner’ or some other badboy 80s wannabes. I’m so over it.”</p>
<p>“So…, are we going upstairs to try and stop him or stab him….?” So far all they’d been doing, other then trying to get dry, was lurking in a soon to be dead woman’s apartment building.</p>
<p>“Can’t stab him with his own knife. That way lies ‘us’ getting less then gently poked with a blade.” But thinking about it, he knew Queen C had a point.</p>
<p>“Actually…”</p>
<p>“What?” She’d known him since they were six years old, he had a ‘but’ face.</p>
<p>“There’s a cut scene back to the manor after warlock Jeremy does the deed. Then our favorite detectives show up rather quickly. I’m not sure how much time we actually have.”</p>
<p>“I am <em>sooo</em> not spending another episode answering questions for dumb &amp; dumber. The pilot was your idea. I thought you said it’d be easier to steal their powers when they barely had them?”</p>
<p>Cool as all this way, they weren’t any closer to actually getting anyone’s powers. And Cordeila Chase wasn’t one for wasting time.</p>
<p>“Lets hit the elevator.” He gestured to her to follow as he hit the button. “We’re going to have to make this quick. Warlock Jeremy will leave through the window, we go in, grab the knife, then head to ‘Ristorante.”</p>
<p>“What’s that? I thought Piper worked at Quake.”</p>
<p>“I dunno, it’s been a while since I watched the whole way through. Piper goes there as a job interview, cooks some French douche pasta and accidentally freezes him.”</p>
<p>The doors finally opened, and Xander headed towards the dead witches apartment. Which as luck would have it, the door was still open. Apparently warlock Jeremy didn’t exit through the window.</p>
<p>“So Piper’s it then? We start with her. Okay.” Cordy nodded to herself, rolling her shoulders, trying to get hyped up.</p>
<p>“Its fine. Once we grab the knife and get away from any of the main characters, it should take about 20 minutes for the show to reach that point. Plenty of time with jump scenes.”</p>
<p>Entering the apartment, it wasn’t hard to find the body.</p>
<p>“Well, she doesn’t look like she’s trying &amp; <span class="u">failing</span> to hold her breath.” Xander said, trying to stay upbeat but the frown on his face gave away his feelings.</p>
<p>Cordeila knew how he felt. Sims character or not, she looked very real and very dead. “Lets just grab the knife and get out of here. We can take care of creepy Jeremy when we have the witches powers.”</p>
<p>“God,” the dark haired teen said with a grimace, “he left it…in her.”</p>
<p>While Xander was retrieving the athame, Cordeila was petting the cat. Poor thing, losing her master. She really wished there was a way to take the kitty with her.</p>
<p>Maybe when they had the witches magic, she could shrink the cat with a spell and hold the kitty in her palm before the episode ended? That might work.</p>
<p>“Got it. Lets get out of here. It wont be long before this place is swarming with cops.” He said while entering the kitchen, where Cordy was pouring the cat a drink of water her it’s bowl.</p>
<p>Waiting for her to finish and sit the water down, he ran the bloodied blade under the facet. It was gross enough taking the murder weapon out of the blond witch, he didn’t want her sticky blood all over it.</p>
<p>“Now, who might you two be?” A voice called from deeper in the apartment, a smirk evident playing around his lips.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>~~~</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I need a shower.” Cordeila said as they exited the episode, yet again without a single power to call their own.</p>
<p>“Right there with ya.” Xander hadn’t liked it either.</p>
<p>“On the plus side, your quick words probably saved us from fighting a guy who sets things on fire with his fingers &amp; creates wind tunnels.” He called out to his girlfriend as she headed up the basement stairs. No doubt focused on that shower.</p>
<p>“Don’t remind me.” She’d always been quick on her feet, but she hadn’t expected for warlock Jeremy to actually believe they were warlocks too trying to shoulder in on his ‘<em>kills’</em>. “The whole thing is just too gross.”</p>
<p>Playing watchers to the Charmed Ones was cool, playing creepy Jeremy’s back up hadn’t.</p>
<p>She left Xander waiting outside his bathroom door, the sound of the shower spraying soon filled the room.</p>
<p>“Yeah. As much as I know they aren’t real, and you know it….its hard seeing them lying there.” The pocket dimension looked, and smelt, and <em>felt</em> too real to just keep going.</p>
<p>Shouting over the water she called out, “So we’re agreed?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” the lone male scooby answered her, “I can’t stab one of the sisters. Not when they just look so ‘real.’” But where did that leave them?</p>
<p>Still at the mercy of princess Buffy and her bad attitude? Just waiting for her to start dating the next creepy crawly that’d get a walk on its bad behavior?</p>
<p>“Ah, it’s my turn to come up with the plan,” Queen C said as she exited, hot steam following as she walked out in a towel and still dripping hair.</p>
<p>Xander was momentarily distracted by the vision that was a mostly naked, and completely soaked Cordeila Chase.</p>
<p>“Stop perving on me a sec and listen up,” though the 100 walt smile she sent him made it clear she didn’t mind the attention.</p>
<p>“We know they keep Jeremy’s power sucking knife…”</p>
<p>“Athame.”</p>
<p>“….whatever. Probably in the attic with their book of spells. So that’s the target. We get the knife, and stab the monster of the week.”</p>
<p>“A lot less morally objectionable. But a lot more dangerous.”</p>
<p>“Really? Because if I remember correctly, and seeing as I wasn’t distracted by the season being bras optional, most of the villains of the week were pretty….well trash.” She pointed out before <em>casually</em> dropped the towel and beginning to dress.</p>
<p>Allowing himself to savior the freebee, Xander locked eyes with his girlfriend and did the gentlemanly thing and turned around. With reluctance.</p>
<p>A lot of reluctance.</p>
<p>“Um…ahh…” <br/>“I didn’t know this would make you non-verbal.” Now he could hear the smirk in ‘her’ voice.</p>
<p>“No, no, nope, just…eh….trying to gather my thoughts.” Think about baseball, think about ducks, not caramel skin and breasts that a superhero would envy.</p>
<p>“You can turn around now, goof. I’m PG rated.” Though in his opinion, the short skirt and low top she’d finally dawned into wasn’t something he’d think a kids movie would let in.</p>
<p>“Now, badguys. All of them sucked. Easy pickins. If we can stab vampires, we can stab that assortment of losers.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I dunno Cor. Sure, most of the freaks of the week weren’t tough but they also didn’t have powers to steal. Or steal easily.”</p>
<p>“Explain it to me.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Xander was going to have to re-watch the entire season now. But off the top of his head,” the second ep had some guy stealing youth. It was pretty lame. A trio of shapeshifters move in across the street, very bad make-up and a stupid power.”</p>
<p>“A ghost, a guy using a computer to enter dreams, demon brides with no real powers, a demon in a mirror…not really stab-able…” He continued.</p>
<p>“A couple warlock bosses take over Prue’s job, the only real guy with juice was in the flashback episode to their ancestor. I can’t remember his name, but he could ‘blink’ from place to place and copy any power used against him.”</p>
<p>“That sounds perfect. Teleportation and all we need to do is just enter episodes and pick fights to get powers.” She said from her place on his bed, propped up against his headboard.</p>
<p>“Um, yea..eh no. You’re killing me here, Cor.”</p>
<p>“Little old me?” She said in an overly sweet voice.</p>
<p>“Yes you, minx,” thinking more about Salem Guy, “he copies powers used against him, sure. But Prue &amp; Piper’s powers are hardly lethal. I doubt he could take a fireball to the face. And besides, they put him in a locket. So maybe he can’t be killed that easily.”</p>
<p>“So….there isn’t any badguys even worth stabbing?” Silly hemline, she thought with a grin….let me just pull it up.</p>
<p>“<em>Come</em> <em>on</em>.” He said in a tortured voice.</p>
<p>“What? At least I’m worrying panties tonight. Now, any badguys worth a damn?”</p>
<p>“Theres the Fear Demon. But he’s waaay out of our league. Knock off werewolf, a woogy man, more warlocks with shit powers, anti-cupid? Evil cop with energyballs &amp; screaming power…he’s a good choice, but kinda hard to stab a cop. And a guy that reruns time.”</p>
<p>Toned legs now akimbo,” well….lets put a pin in that for now.”</p>
<p>“Yes, ma’am.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>All the freaks of the week were pretty lame. Looking back, 'bras optional' probably was the real draw to the show.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Quick like a bunny.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Quake</strong>
</p><p>“You know, when you two invited me over to your house in the middle of the night…..this is not how I thought things would go.” Faith said as she buttered her bread.</p><p>The trio were sitting around a table at Quake, taking sips of their drinks and watching The Slayer pig out on their bread baskets. So for she was 3-0, the baked goods had stood no chance.</p><p>“Please, you couldn’t handle the both of us.” Cordeila quipped as she tried, and failed, to snatch a bite.</p><p>“So how are we paying for this? I mean, do they take real money or are we dinning and ditching at he end of the episode?” The Chosen one said, while covering her mouth so crumbles didn’t escape.</p><p>Not for the first time, the original scoobies wondered how the Boston born slayer was surviving without help or any sort of job.</p><p>She certainly looked like she hadn’t had a good meal in some time.</p><p>“Easy peasy,” Xander said while flashing a credit card while Queen C checked the name.</p><p>“Who’s Roger Kent?”</p><p>“Just an extra, I visited here a few eps back and pocketed his card when he wasn’t looking. Hid it between my palms when the ep ended.”</p><p>“….And since everything respawns, he’s not missing a card and you can make as many charges as you want without a bill ever showing. That’s wicked cool.”</p><p>“Yeah, I’ve been giving all of this a lot of thought…” He trailed off as their waiter showed up with their appetizers.</p><p>“Alright, ladies, gentleman, who ordered the bacon wrapped plums?” At Queen C’s hand gesture, he placed the plate in front of her.</p><p>Smokey, crisp bacon wrapped around dried plums, soaked in apple brandy and held tight with toothpicks.</p><p>“Two orders of crab cake poppers?” Faith’s gimmy jazz hands were enough to have him place both plates beside her baskets of bread, now empty, and luckily for the waiter he didn’t lose any fingers as she snatched the poppers up.</p><p>The waiter just gave her an amused look before turning to Xander, “and for you sir, the blini &amp; caviar.”</p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>“Your main dishes should be out shortly.”</p><p>“Yo, X, didn’t know fish eggs were your thing.” The Slayer said while shoveling in two poppers in her mouth at a time.</p><p>“I’ve never tried them. At a 75$ a dish I’ve never had the chance. But since money is literally no object right now, I’m going to live like a Russian oligarch. And what’s more Russian then caviar?”</p><p>Cordy just watched on, as she pulled a plum through her teeth. Sweet &amp; salty.</p><p>At Xander’s first bite of his blini, a small stack of Russian pancakes with a golden-red layer of caviar on top, his brown eyes widened. “That….Jesus, that’s good.”</p><p>Each bite, he could feel the little eggs exploding in his mouth, they tasted buttery. And the tiny pops of the eggs flooded his mouth with flavor.</p><p>No wonder they were the food of kings.</p><p>“Now, what were you saying before?” Faith inquired, already 2/3s done with her plates and looking longingly at Queen C’s bacon wrapped plums. She’d take Xander’s word on the fish eggs.</p><p>“Well, with Buffy’s fuckery coming to light, and Angel not being dead I thought you could use some time away to decompress.” He told her, before taking another bite and ‘mouthgasming.’</p><p>If there was anyone in the group with less reason to give princess Buffy second chances, it was the girl currently sporting a bruise across her cheek for trying to stake a vampire.</p><p>Not to mention her ‘new’ watcher turning out to be a lying bitch who wanted a gross arm-thing that shoots lightning.</p><p>Faith hadn’t had the best day.</p><p>Which is why she didn’t turn down Xander &amp; Cordeila when they invited her home. She’d thought a hot brunette threesome was just what the doctor ordered. But she’d settle for an ‘all-she-could-eat’ meal, one she didn’t have to pay for.</p><p>“Cor has already clued you in on what we’re trying to do here, snatch up powers of our own. Which is where you come in, after the meal. While we’re here, Piper’s stuck ‘real-time’ in her shift. But then I have somewhere for us to go.” He didn’t elaborate further.</p><p>“And here we go…” There Johnny on the spot waiter was back, meals ready to go.</p><p>“Island Duck with Mulberry Mustard.” All he needed was the quirk of Queen C’s eyebrow to know where that went.</p><p>“Blackened Redfish, topped with crispy shrimp, a baked potato with all the trimmings, and a bowl of curry soup.” Xander finally scooped up the last golden-red egg, and gestured for the fish.</p><p>And with a look of quiet disbelief he called over a second waiter carrying Faith’s meal.</p><p>“And for our lady with the bottomless bit she calls a stomach, a 72 oz. porterhouse, rare, topped with onion rings, a backed potato with extra <em>extra</em> sour cream, and a side of spicy sweet potato wedges. All of which is free if you can finish it, by yourself.”</p><p>The look he gave her was equal parts curiosity &amp; disbelief, after all…he’d seen her destroy three baskets of bread topped high and two plates of poppers.</p><p>Tapeworm perhaps?</p><p>“We’ll also want a dessert menu.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>“Dude was a pussy.”</p><p>“Faith, you asked for seconds.”</p><p>“So? I ate it all, it was free. I can ask for more if I wanna.” The trio made their way outside of the Charmed Ones manor.</p><p>“It’s fine by me, but the poor guy was not expecting to feed a supernatural tummy.” Xander said with a grin, his own meal and the pie afterwards more then enough for him.</p><p>“Tummy is a super not sexy word, yo.” Faith told him with a smirk, until Cordeila turned to her with a grin and said, “really?” She leaned over to whisper into the shorter teens ear.</p><p>“Never had a guy, hard and ready to pop stroke a hot load onto your flat….<em>tummy</em>?” At her shiver, Queen C rested her case.</p><p>“Well,” Xander ignored the byplay and focused on the task at hand, “it was a great meal. We’ll have to come back again, go through the menu. I don’t think I could eat an entire 72 oz. But I’d love to try.”</p><p>Faith perked up at that, Cordy’s teasing forgotten at the prospect of more food.</p><p>A point that wasn’t missed by either teen. Depending on how dire her situation, it might need to become a nightly tradition.</p><p>“So, what’s the dealy-o? I haven’t ever watched this show. Who are we wacking?”</p><p>“Well, I already grabbed the athame from their attic earlier, so we’re just waiting on our que. I think we’ve been going about this all wrong.” Xander said while watching a car pull into the witche’s driveway.</p><p>“Well, seeing as we’ve been jerked around and failed 10 out of 10 times, I’ll say.” Cordeila snarked.</p><p>“……and here we go.” Xander took off towards the car as soon as the driver’s seat opened.</p><p>“Sir, I work at the local high school’s paper. Could I ask you a couple of questions real quick?” The teen pulled out a notepad &amp; pencil from his back pocket as the girls watched on without a clue.</p><p>Detective Rodriguez looked mildly irritated while his partner Detective Anderson’s look was bordering on pissed. “We’re kind of in the middle of something…”</p><p>“It wont take but a minute, tops!”</p><p>“Fine. Let it never be said that I didn’t make time for our youth.” Rodriguez spoke, leaning against his car while Anderson looked ready to pop a blood vessel.</p><p>“The work of a….<em>cop</em> is rather straight forward, am I right? You don’t let yourself get bogged down in the little things.”</p><p>“Well, we have paperwork to deal with. But as a general rule things aren’t nearly as mysterious as cop shows would have you believe.”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s been a problem I’ve been having recently. Putting too much thought and prep into things, dotting Ts, crossing I’s”</p><p>“…I’m not quite sure that’s how the saying goes…”</p><p>“What’s the hold up here? We’re working, kid.” Anderson growled.</p><p>“Yeah, maybe not, but that’s the thing. I’m used to doing things one way, and I’ve been trying to do the same thing in the same way without results. You see my problem?”</p><p>Bewildered, Rodriguez looked from his partner to the kid asking questions in confusion, “I can’t say that I do. What school did you say you go to?”</p><p>Xander continued, drawing angry stick figures in his notepad, then drawing tiny stakes in their hearts before continuing, “But I’ve come to a conclusion. I’ve over complicated things, these situations while similar aren’t the same. You see what I mean?”</p><p>“Son, I honestly have no idea what you are talking about. But as my partner pointed out, we actually are on a case. So he and I will be asking the residents of this home….actual questions, not roundabout open ended nonsense you seem to be doing. And it would behoove you to be gone by the time we get back, or we might run you in for a drug test. You see what ‘I’ mean?”</p><p>Faith &amp; Cordeila just looked on from their position on the sidewalk.</p><p>Nodding, Xander closed the notepad of angry staked vampires, and put his pencil behind his ear. “See! Straight and to the point. That’s what I’ve been trying to get too, while I came here trying to play chess….what I needed to be doing was playing checkers.”</p><p>“Son, I think we’re done here…” But Detective Rodriguez was cut off by the three rapid stabs to his kidney by Xander’s athame, as quick as bunny’s fucking. The last stab, he kept the blade sheathed in the upper level demon while it glowed a redish hue in the scooby’s hand.</p><p>Andersons shout of surprised and his quick run around the back of their car, while drawing his weapon, was halted when his partner burst into flames and vanished.</p><p>The IAB officer looked on, stupefied as his partners killer simply dropped the murder weapon, got on his knees &amp; laced his fingers together on top of his head.</p><p>“I surrender.”</p><p>At this point Prue, Piper, and Phoebe opened their front door to see what all the shouting was about.</p><p>Faith turned to Cordeila and mouthed ‘the fuck?’</p><p>“Dude, are you going to arrest me or what? I’ve got places to be in half an hour.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you've never tried caviar, you have to. Its just one of those things you need to do before you die. Even if you don't like it, you can say you've done it. Like skydiving &amp; a threesome.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Clearing the air.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Dude, that was wicked awesome. Like a scene from Oz.” Faith said with a grin as the trio walked through one of Sunnydale’s many <em>many</em> graveyards.</p><p>“Yeah, dweeb boy, I was not expecting you to go all stabby on that cop.” Cordeila put in her two cents.</p><p>“Like I said, we were over thinking it. The only danger we were in was if I missed and he was willing to demon out in public….<em>probably</em> not. Or if his partner was willing to shoot me after I surrendered and in front of all those witnesses.” Xander countered, while creating a pulsating white/blue orb in his hand and tossing it back and forth like a baseball.</p><p>Still grinning, Faith hip checked Queen C, “So, are we going back in tomorrow night so you can shank a pig too?”</p><p>
  
</p><p>Laughing, Cordeila just shakes her head, “naw, I don’t think we need repeats. And with you and the newly empowered scream queen over there, we could probably take out one of the less lame bad guys.”</p><p>“Hey, I resent that. Its scream ‘king’.”</p><p>“But yeah, we could go after whoever you want. Though I still can’t think of any non-lame bad guys. Barbas is still waaay out of our league. Maybe the dragon warlock in the second season finale?”</p><p>“Ooooh, what could he do?” Faith said with a bounce, a full belly and a night out with ‘friends’, had made her pretty giddy.</p><p>At Cordy’s cocked eyeball, Xander explained, “he actually had a pretty cool set of powers. Super strength, flight, and he could breath fire.”</p><p>“I could fly? Without chartering a plane? Ohhh, he is number one on the list.”</p><p>Xander nodded, “sweet. We’ll hit it tomorrow-,” he trailed off as a group of vampires finally found them on this late night patrol. “I was hoping to try these puppies out.”</p><p>The vampires grinned around their fangs, “I think the only trying that’s going to happen tonight is when we pass your little girlfriends around.”</p><p>“Hey, I’m his only girlfriend. We aren’t Mormons.” Cordeila snarked while pulling out a cross and stake.</p><p>“Well, I could be your girlfriend. So you’d have one of each,” Faith said with a flirty grin while also grabbing a stake.</p><p>“If we’re voting, can I vote for that?” Xander gave them both a crooked smile before turning to the vamps and letting loose his newly acquired demonic scream, “<strong>Ahhhhhhh</strong>.”</p><p>While the five vampires clutched their bleeding ears, Xander re-created an energy ball and threw it at the closet one who promptly exploded in a dust bunny, and focused his scream on a single vampire until its head burst.</p><p>Faith not to be outdone quickly staked the third &amp; forth vamps who still hadn’t recovered from the scoobies scream, and kicked the last vampire in the face as it laid prone in the fetal position. From the blood pouring between its hands, the vampire’s eardrums most have burst.</p><p>“I got one!” Queen C said, right before putting the pitiful create out of its misery.</p><p>“Huh, I did not expect his head to explode.” Xander said, feeling pretty good about himself.</p><p>“Yeah, that was gnarly. I’m calling dibs after the cheerleader gets a set.” Faith told him while searching to ground to see if her stake had survived the vamps dusting. There was always a 50/50 chance.</p><p>“Five vamps, no sweat. Let’s see if princess Buffy can call us the B team now.” Cordeila said, before seeing that Faith couldn’t find her stake, so she handed the slayer one of her spares.</p><p>“So, flying. That’s gonna be wicked awesome. Slaying from the sky, you are so gonna need to carrying me Superman style.”</p><p>“Anything for my new ‘girlfriend’.” Cordy snarked, only half joking.</p><p>“Well, Homecoming is next week. What better way for our future queen to show off, then to show up with a brunette on each arm?” Xander gave told them as he rubbed his palms together Doctor Evil style.</p><p>Quirking her eyebrow Cordeila gave them a thoughtful look, “I do like to be the center of attention. And I bet Harmony wont even be able to pull off one date, let alone two.”</p><p>“Really? Didn’t she get caught blowing half the football team?”</p><p>“Oh, she’s the school fluffer no doubt. But she always pretends her ‘boyfriend’ goes to another school. Better then saying that the guys who nut in her mouth never call her afterwards.”</p><p>“That’s just bad form, if I blow a guy he better call me or his ass is getting a stake.” Faith told them, before deciding that one more circle around the graveyard was it for the night.</p><p>“Eh, I’ll agree that a guy would at least owe you a phone call but a stake in the heart seems a bit much.” Xander said with a shake of his head.</p><p>“If I’m swallowing and he doesn’t call, his heart isn’t where I’m gonna stick it.”</p><p>“Ouch. But fair.” Queen C gave her a nod.</p><p>Xander vowed that when the time finally came, he’d call. All might be fair in love and war, but no one wants a stake up the butt.</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>“You guys didn’t need to come with me to tell Giles about the patrol.” Faith told the pair while running her hand through her hair. If they didn’t know any better they’d think she was being bashful.</p><p>“Well, it is on the way to drop off dweeb boy, “Queen C said as they walked through the empty halls, “besides we’ve still got to spill the beans on Xander’s powers.”</p><p>“I dunno, I think we should hold off till you get the dragon guys powers. Giles can be a stick in the mud about anything that isn’t Buffy related.”</p><p>In all honesty, Faith agreed with him. She’d hate for the watcher to be a dick and ruin this for her.</p><p>“So, how was patrol?” Giles questioned as the three took seats in the library. “I hadn’t realized you three were patrolling together.”</p><p>“Took out a handful of vampires, easy peasy, “Faith told him, “and is that a problem? I don’t remember you saying anything when B goes out in a group.”</p><p>“We went out as a group every night when Buffy took off the LA, “Cordeila said with a frown.</p><p>“And we didn’t have a slayer for back up then either,” Xander joined in, “so its not like helping Faith out was less safe then going out without supernatural backup.”</p><p>“A different set of rules for each slayer doesn’t sound fair to me. “Faith said while crossing her arms.</p><p>“No, no, that’s not what I meant. I think hunting with a group in a fine idea,” Giles said with raised hands. “I just hadn’t realized you three were going out together. That’s all.”</p><p>Still frowning but unsure if he was lying out not, Cordeila turned to Faith &amp; Xander, “wanna hit a drive through before going home?”</p><p>“I could always eat.”</p><p>“Ditto.”</p><p>“Well, alright then,” Giles said to their backs as the left the library. “It’s not as if I’d like a hamburger or anything.”</p><p>“Bloody moody teenagers.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>“Later X,” Faith said as they dropped him off at his house.</p><p>“Night doofus,” Cordy told him before gesturing for him to lean into her open car window and pulling him into a kiss.</p><p>“Ladies, “He told them with a grin before heading inside.</p><p>“I do hope you’ll be laying one of those on me, one set of rules for the boyfriend &amp; another for the girlfriend isn’t cool either.” The slayer said with a smirk.</p><p>“Not tonight, but I was going to make the invite to Homecoming official.”</p><p>“What, really? You know I was just joking,” Faith’s hand returned to running it’s self through her hair.</p><p>Queen C was starting to see she had a tale.  </p><p>“Faith, it was a good idea. We’ll dance, be the center of everyone’s attention, send the rumor mill turning and it’ll probably win me that crown.”</p><p>“Yeah, that’d be cool.”</p><p>Cordeila was grinning now as they drove, more sure than ever that the big badass slayer was blushing. So much for being a maneater.</p><p>“Now, I don’t think I have anything in your size. But you can go through my closet when we get to my house. You’ll need something to sleep in anyway.”</p><p>Turning to the cheerleader, Faith said, “wait, we’re going to your place? I was sorta joking about laying a kiss on me too. Though I’m open to anything.”</p><p>“Horndog, you’re sleeping over. The motel is on the other side of town and it’s getting late. Besides, you shouldn’t be stuck there anyway. I’ve got a pool house you can stay in.”</p><p>“Wha…what do I gotta do?” Bashful was out of the window now, Faith didn’t look anything but earnest.</p><p>Frowning at her words however, Queen C continued, “Faith….you don’t have to ‘<em>do’</em> anything. Xander &amp; I will tease you, but we’d never force you into anything. You’re our friend.”</p><p>Looking down at her hands as they drove through the streets of Sunnydale, Faith spoke, “in my experience no ones nice to you unless they want something from you. And I’m cool with it. You and X have been really nice, inviting me over, nice meal, patrolling together. If you want to fuck me, we can fuck. Or if you want to watch X fuck me, we can do that too. I’m fine with it.”</p><p>They drove in silence for a few minutes while Cordeila worked out what she wanted to say.</p><p>“You know I give Harmony shit all the time? But she’s my friend, she’s been my friend almost as long as Xander &amp; I have known each other. <em>Waaay</em> back before middle school.”</p><p>“Even that crack about blowing football players. Which she <em>did</em>. But her bad taste in guys doesn’t define her, or our friendship, no more then her trying to usurp me as leader of our little group.”</p><p>“Not really following,” Faith said.</p><p>“Harms my friend. She can be a needy bitch, and meaner then need be to nerds &amp; outcasts like Buffy &amp; Rosenberg. But that doesn’t define her anymore then the stuff her uncle used to do to her.”</p><p>“Wha?”</p><p>“I’m not going to pretend I understand what you’ve been through, or why you think everyone’s just out to get something from you. I might not have experienced it myself, but it’s not always safe being a girl. Not just because it’s Sunnydale. But in general.”</p><p>“She told her parents. They called her a liar. It went on till he moved away in 7<sup>th</sup> grade. It’s probably why she lets guys treat her the way they do. You don’t need to tell me, Faith. I wont pry. But you wont ever need to….pay me or Xander for being nice to you. You’re our friend.”</p><p>“….It’s eh, it’s fine. You can drop me off here. Its not that far from my place.” Faith said, her voice no longer the cock sure tone it usually was.</p><p>“I can do that, Faith. Or we can go back to my place. You can eat your burger, hit the shower, grab one of my t-shirts to sleep in. We can talk about what dress you want to where to Homecoming. We can talk about whatever you want. And then you can go to sleep. I wont touch you. I wont ever make you do ‘<em>anything’</em> that makes you uncomfortable.”</p><p>“People <em>say</em> that. People say they’re your friend, that they wont leave, that they won’t make you <em>do</em> anything.” Faith said forcefully, still looking out the window.</p><p>“My mom had an endless stream of shit guys coming in the house. All too many of them more interested in her kid then my mom’s drunk ass. Trust me, I was made to do plenty.”</p><p>“And then I was saved. My watcher found me. She gave me clean cloths, roof over my head, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. She treated me like a person. Then a vamp raped her to death &amp; made me watch.”</p><p>“Maybe you’re on the level, maybe you and Xander don’t just want to use me to get off. But that doesn’t mean I want to get close to you, knowing how this town is. Knowing that the next Kakistos could show up at any time and I won’t be able to protect you.”</p><p>Pulling off the street into the Chase family residence, Cordeila started down their long driveway towards the main house.</p><p>“That’s fine. I don’t expect you to believe me on face value, we’ll earn your trust. And tomorrow night you’ll help me stab a fire breathing dumbass in a tv show and get his powers &amp; I’ll be that much more able to protect myself from the next shitty vampire that comes to town.”</p><p>“And next week we’ll all go to a dance together, and patrol, we’ll have each other’s backs.”</p><p>Turning off the engine, the pair sat in the car for a few minutes more. Processing.</p><p>Coming to a decision Faith hoped she wouldn’t regret, “….I don’t sleep in t-shirts, yo. We’ll see how trustworthy you are sleeping next to me in all my glory.” The slayer said with a small grin.</p><p>Returning her small smile, Queen C spoke, “as if, ten bucks says I’m gonna have to push you off the bed for getting handys with the girls.”</p><p>Scoffing, Faith retorted, “please, your tits are barely bigger then mine.”</p><p>Looking offended in her soul, Cordeila just starred, before the pair burst into much needed laughter.</p><p>“Now what dress you think I should wear, yo?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>That was one of the things I liked so much about Faith. Despite her tough girl attitude, she was willing &amp; ready to talk. To put herself out there. Maybe if she'd tried to be friends with someone other then Buffy, who at best was Harmony-lite when it came to being self absorbed, then maybe things could have worked out for her. </p><p>And another thing I loved is Cordeila, and her ability to cut threw the bullshit straight to the heart of things. Faith, Cordeila, and Xander might have been the most earnest characters in the series. </p><p>At any rate, feed me with reviews please.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. One ring to rule them all.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“No, no, I’m calling bullshit. Absolutely no way did Red do that.”</p>
<p>Xander just shook his head, while turning around to walk backwards down the hall so he could see their expressions. “It’s 100% true, I swear!”</p>
<p>Frowning, Cordy just looked from her boyfriend to her….girlfriend? Before answering, “Gotta agree with Faith here, I don’t buy it.”</p>
<p>“Oh, ye of little <em>faith</em>. But yeah, my earliest sexual experience is like 6<sup>th</sup> grade. Me, Jesse, and Willow found one of Jesse’s dad’s pornos and watched it in my parent’s basement. Sadly, on a VCR that didn’t let you jump in.”</p>
<p>Faith just looked flabbergasted while Cordeila continued to frown.</p>
<p>“So you’re telling me that Red, holier then thou, stick up her butt, prays to the god of homework, used to sit in the middle of a preteen sandwich and give a couple boys handy j’s while watching porn?!?”</p>
<p>“Yep.”</p>
<p>“Bull<em>shit</em>! Cor, you gotta back me up here. Do you see ginger snaps working her wrists for some boy jelly? I don’t even see it now! She’s totally a virgin, and wolf boy is stuck wanking his own crank.”</p>
<p>“She has a point, goof. Precious little Willow wouldn’t be such a stuck up loser if she’d gotten any. Let alone from you, her crush since she was still playing with Barbies.” The head cheerleader pointed out as they walked.</p>
<p>The layout to the mall wasn’t exactly easy to read, while trying to keep teenage Prue in their sights but it looked like they were almost at their destination.</p>
<p>“Hey, we never had sex. It was just a few sessions of circle jerk. We were young, hormones were flooding. It fizzled out. Jesse fixated on yours truly soon after, “he gestured to Cordeila, “and it’d have been weird if it was just the two of us.”</p>
<p>Snorting, Faith just shook her head, “yeah…<em>that’s</em> what’s weird. Not the devil’s threesome, but if it were just your chain Red was yanking.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I mean, it was all hormones and kids messing around. It’d have been weird if it were just me &amp; Willow. She was like my sister.”</p>
<p>While Faith snorted so hard she had to cover her face from the passing pedestrians, now Queen C was starting to see it.</p>
<p>“Ahh, so ‘Flowers in the Attic’ was fine when it was a group thing. But as soon as it was a twosome, it was weird. Okay, I can see that. Willow was probably just jerking Jesse’s angry inch off just so she could get ahold of yours.”</p>
<p>“What? No. It was just us all messing around.”</p>
<p>Ignoring the fact that Faith was about to be bent over in a fit of giggles, Cordy continued, “for you boys. First time someone other then yourselves touched your tiny penises. But Willow’s been fixated since Barbie days. No wonder she’s still <em>fixated</em>. She got her cake, but didn’t get to eat it too.”</p>
<p>Finally arriving, they walked into the jewelry store. Prue was chatting with the Dragon Warlock in the food court, so they could get this done.</p>
<p>“Alright chef, we’re going to need your ring sizers. I’m looking for something for the three of us, matching gems if you can.” Xander said, while flashing Roger’s credit card.</p>
<p>Faith was already looking through the glass cases, while Cordeila had started going on about cut, color, and all things men don’t actually have any idea about when it comes to jewelry.</p>
<p>“I’m an 8, you’ll have to check Faith to be sure but I think she’s a 7…maybe 7 ½, no idea about doofus here. But diffidently on the <em>large</em> size.”</p>
<p>The lone male scooby puffed up like a blowfish at her words, while the girls just shared a look that clearly said, ‘boys are too easy.’</p>
<p>“Ooooh, C, what about this one!” The dark haired slayer said while pointing through the glass. “Momma likes!”</p>
<p>“That young lady is an engagement ring.” The jeweler looked at her clothing, and the other two, and their ages and wondered how big their credit limit actually was.</p>
<p>“Ah, just because it’s written up as one doesn’t mean we can’t wear it any time. What’re the specs? And do you have something similar for <em>our</em> boyfriend?” Cordeila said, while tapping her fingernail against the glass over the ring Faith had chosen.</p>
<p>Like the Grinch who stole Christmas, Xander had puffed up three sizes.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“14K Black gold, center stone is a 1.01 carat ruby, accent stones are diamonds, 0.34 carats, engraving is free. And I’m sure we’ve got a men’s ring in black gold with a ruby this size as well. Though no accents.”</p>
<p>“That being said, that’s a $2,200 ring.”</p>
<p>“We’re going to need Faith &amp; Xander sized. Can you do engravings now? We’re kind of on a deadline. And I’d like to see what you have for a man’s ring.” Staking vampires &amp; magical VCR’s might be Faith &amp; Xander’s elements, but this was where Cordeila Chase lived.</p>
<p>“Um, yes, I’ll be right back.” The short, dark haired, and relatively round jeweler opened up a case underneath the top two showcases for the men’s rings.</p>
<p>“How about you, C? Xander’s first deed was apparently 10 out of 10, but what’d you do?” Faith asked, grinning around the store. This was turning out to be the best week she’d had in a long time.</p>
<p>“Hmmm…..first sexual anything, or first sexual anything with a boy?” Queen C said, while grinning at the displays knowing what reaction <em>that</em> little tidbit would bring.</p>
<p>Mouth agape, Xander just starred while Faith beat him to it, “first sexual anything. But we’re going to be circling around to AC/DC real quick.”</p>
<p>“Ah, not circling back to slowly it seems. 7<sup>th</sup> grade, cheer camp, skinny dipping after hours with a camp counselor who just wanted to….expand my <em>horizons.” </em></p>
<p>“Wait, wait, <em>wait</em>….are you talking about your pen pal Mika Tran? You told me she helped you….” Choking on the words he continued, “perfect your splits.”</p>
<p>“Oh, she did.”</p>
<p>Now Xander really did look like a blowfish, just standing there while his mouth made gasping sounds. Not that Faith was any better off, eyes glazed over in imagination.</p>
<p>“Uh hem, here we are. 14k Black Gold, center stone 1.01 carat ruby. No accents. $1,700.”</p>
<p>The jeweler quickly took the pairs measurements as the teens just starred off into space, like confused horny puppies.</p>
<p>“We’ll be wanting them engraved, XCF, and if you can get it done in the next 40 minutes there’s a 40% tip in it for you.”</p>
<p>Looking around for what they came for, Cordy took notice of the rest of the expensive jewelry while running her tongue around the inside of her mouth.</p>
<p>Yep, should be able to fit at least half a dozen rings.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>~~~</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are we sure this Willy guy can fence the rings?” Faith asked, while looking at the bling on her finger. She felt like a princess.</p>
<p>“Yeah, he’s a sleazy worm but does a lot of work under the table for the local demon population. So, he’ll know people. It’s not as if we can pawn these babies.” The head cheerleader informed, while placing her hand next to Faith’s as they waited in the Alibi Room’s office.</p>
<p>Not counting the three they’d had made, and paid for in the pocket dimension, when the episode had ended they’d returned and robbed the place. Making off with 22 rings, of various stones &amp; metals.</p>
<p>All the while Prue, or as Cordeila liked to refer to her as, Tits McGee II with the stupid eye powers, just ate at a shitty food court across from a monster of the week.</p>
<p>“Does this look alright? I mean, ah, I’m not one for fashion so I’m at your mercy.” Xander’s own ring was a simpler but in a similar style as there’s.</p>
<p>“X, it looks cool. And expensive. Those high school bitches are gonna be creaming themselves when they see you and C’s matching set.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Hip checking Faith, Cordeila just grinned, “and wait till they see a trio of them on the dance floor this Friday. All we need is a nice payday for our heist, and we can see about new dresses. And a tux for our resident fashion handicapped.”</p>
<p>The crown Cordeila was expecting might just be plastic, but the bragging rights would more then make up for it.</p>
<p>“Hey, Faith, what about you? You never said your first experience.” Sunnydale’s #1 class clown asked.</p>
<p>At Cordy’s concerned look, Faith just shook her head, “it’s cool. Though not super sexy. Afterschool in the parking lot, around 6<sup>th</sup> grade, I was giving this guy…or at least trying to give this guy a handy j. But he ended up pissing.”</p>
<p>“Eck! Gross. What the hell?”</p>
<p>Grinning, Faith continued, “yep. He talked a big game, but when it was time to shine he couldn’t get it up. Pissed instead and pretended like he’d bust a nut. Total loser.”</p>
<p>“Oh God, just kill me now. Even I could get it up and there was a guy two seats away from me making weird grunting noises.” Xander said in second hand embarrassment.</p>
<p>“Ladies, gentleman, not sure what conversation I walked in on but please feel free to continue.” Willy the Snitch just leered.</p>
<p>Squinting her eyes and leaning her head slightly to the left, Faith pointed at the bartender, “totally could have been his cousin!”</p>
<p>“Gross.” X &amp; C said in stereo.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Things are shaping up nicely.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Not only genie's give out rides.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Black? Red? Help me, yo.” Faith said while modeling one dress, then another, in front of the duo.</p>
<p>“Relax. Both look great.” Though Xander wasn’t really much help, Cordeila had already picked out his outfit for him. Not that he was wrong. Faith always looked good.</p>
<p>The black velvet dress was skin tight, low cut &amp; shoulderless. The red had shoulder straps, but a plunging neckline to really show off the cleavage, and a hem so short she might get in trouble for sitting.</p>
<p>“Go with the black. Can’t go wrong there.” Queen C said, while looking over her own blue dress. Expensive, but not too much. This wasn’t prom after all.</p>
<p>Tomorrow the campaigning would begin.</p>
<p>She already had the posters printed out, she’d hit all the usual spots, make sure no one missed her winning smile. If she needed to pull out the big guns, there were deserts and coffee as well.</p>
<p>That crown was in the bag.</p>
<p>“So, its just you and Michelle Blake running?” Xander said while helping Faith into the black dress.</p>
<p>“<em>Yep</em>. After promising Holly a magical carpet ride over Sunnydale, she dropped out.”</p>
<p>“Cor, you do know she didn’t think you meant an actual flight?”</p>
<p>Holly Charleston was new, cute, a petite Asian with soft brown hair. No real threat, spending most of her time studying with few close friends.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>All it took was Cordeila’s promise for a flight that got her to drop out.</p>
<p>“I don’t screw for votes, I’m not JFK.” Faith was irked never the less. Sure, she got the first flight and it was cool as hell.</p>
<p>But the lone slayer didn’t miss that Holly got all bright eyed when Cordy carried her bridle style through the air. She didn’t mind sharing with Xander, as Faith liked stick as much as snatch.</p>
<p>But cute Asians in love with head cheerleaders were for porn, not competition.</p>
<p>“Just another victim of that Chase charm.” Xander said, not the least bit bothered.</p>
<p>“So, we’ll take the yearbook reshoots, then Faith will come help with the campaigning in the library. Willow said she’d have your strengths/weaknesses for Michelle. Then you can <em>‘not so subtly’</em> point out that you have two dates to get things buzzing.”</p>
<p>Cordy nodded at her boyfriend’s words, while admiring Faith in the black dress. “Come here,” she gestured to the Boston born slayer.</p>
<p>Reaching around Faith, she pinned the shorter girl’s hair up in her hands. “Yes, we’ll do this for the dance. You look amazing, right goof?”</p>
<p>Xander smiled at them both, “beautiful. You two are going to knock them dead.”</p>
<p>Grinning so fully her dimples came out, Faith beamed at them both. “Ah, thanks X. You’re looking pretty spiffy yourself. Those high school boys are gonna be hella jealous.”</p>
<p>“Of course! Name two women hotter than us?”</p>
<p>“Can’t Cor, you two are in a league of your own.” Now trying to get back on topic, “So Michelle is your only competition. We worried?”</p>
<p>Sighing, the beautiful cheerleader thought it threw. “Sadly, she <em>does</em> take after JFK. I’m going to have to bribe Harmony into counter blowing every guy in a lettermen jacket Michelle gets too.”</p>
<p>Snorting, Faith started undressing. They’d leave the dresses and suit here tonight, so they wouldn’t get wrinkled. “Your blond second in command’s handing out blowys now?”</p>
<p>“Oh, she always was. But I’ll sell it to her as helping me take the crown. She wants back into my good graces after her failed little coup.”</p>
<p>“Or we could….not pimp out Harmony? Maybe just combat it with cupcakes? I mean, if Michelle’s sucking off the football team couldn’t you just run a smear campaign?”</p>
<p>Cordeila just shook her head,” that’s the problem with smear campaigns. Telling everyone she wears granny panties and doesn’t wash her legs is one thing, letting everyone know she’s getting lockjaw from sucking off boys for votes is counterproductive.”</p>
<p>“Yo, this this is cut throat. I’d hate to see what you have planned for prom.”</p>
<p>Smirking at the brunette duo, Queen C reached up and slid her thumbs over both Faith &amp; Xander’s lips. “We’ll keep all options open.” Before grabbing up their outfits and heading up the stairs out of the basement.</p>
<p>Slayer &amp; Scooby shared a look.</p>
<p>“Dude, I’m not sucking off guys so she can be prom queen.”</p>
<p>“I’m not sucking off guys at all! Why is my mouth even on the menu?!?” Xander exclaimed.</p>
<p>All the while Cordy was laughing at ass off behind the basement door upstairs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>~~~</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Cordeila—”</p>
<p>“I don’t speak to traitors.” Cordeila interrupted Willow.</p>
<p>“But, but, she’s saved my life! A lot.” The red haired witch tried to argue. “All she wanted was a little help with Michelle’s bio.”</p>
<p>“Uh huh.” Xander said with a frown, not having expected to walk in on a meeting for Buffy’s campaign in the library. “Weaknesses = Xander? Really?”</p>
<p>Looking flustered now, Willow continued, “not weaknesses as in ‘<em>bad’</em>. Its just, you’ve never been super popular with the in crowd.”</p>
<p>“So, its ‘<em>my’</em> relationships we have to worry about? New flash Willow, Queen Buffy’s current boyfriend is using her as a beard and her last one tried to <strong>EAT US</strong>.”</p>
<p>“That’s not fair. It wasn’t her fault.” Willow defended.</p>
<p>“Who’s fault is it? Sure, my boyfriend is slightly color blind—”</p>
<p>“Hey!”</p>
<p>Cordeila continued, “but Xander never ate anyone. Even when he was all grrr and possessed by a freakin hyena. While Buffy’s bf used to eat babies.”</p>
<p>“That’s not, that’s….you’re twisting things because of a stupid campaign. Oz! Back me up here, Angel has helped us loads.” Willow exclaimed.</p>
<p>Rolling his eyes, Xander just pointed out, “pretty sure Oz only met deadboy once before the curse broke. Then he spent four months slaughtering toddlers &amp; computer teachers.”</p>
<p>“That is, before he tried to suck the world into a demon’s mouth.” Cordeila backed her boyfriend up with actual history.</p>
<p>Red faced, Willow growled out, “Buffy &amp; Angel’s relationship isn’t the point! The point is your being a bitca over Buffy running against you!”</p>
<p>Snorting, Cordeila countered, “as if. If Queen Buffy wants to embarrass herself in front of the whole school with her lame last minute attempt at reliving her ‘glory days’ of popularity, I’m fine with that. We all know who’s going to be wearing that crown.”</p>
<p>Having had enough, Xander tugged on his girlfriends hand, “Come on Cor, we have a race to run.” Before the pair left the library to a fuming red head and her silent boyfriend.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>~~~</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The crowded gym, full of teenagers looked on in envy &amp; respect as Cordeila chased exited the limo with a boy &amp; a girl on each arm. Her own blue dress went very well with Faith’s own black one.</p>
<p>While Xander’s tux was good for any occasion, while his tie &amp; pocket square were chosen to match the ladies dresses.</p>
<p>“Now that’s going to be a hard act to follow.” One of the nameless jocks said.</p>
<p>Michelle Blake just grinded her teeth in agreement. Her only real competition having brought her A game.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>~~~</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Where’s Buffy? Their going to start counting the votes soon.” Willow asked while looking around for her blond friend.</p>
<p>Oz just shrugged, not really seeing the point.</p>
<p>It really was just a two person contest, Buffy was pretty much the green party at this point. Sure, she might take away votes from one or the other which might sway the whole deal.</p>
<p>But actually win?</p>
<p>Well, it was a hellmouth. The lone werewolf suspected anything was possible.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>~~~</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Three days later, Buffy was still pissed. Not only did she get less then 10% of the votes, but her dress was ruined by a yellowed skinned dino looking demon, and Trick’s ‘<em>slayerfest</em>.’</p>
<p>And what made it worse was that Cordeila won.</p>
<p>As if her head wasn’t inflated enough as it was, Buffy was surprised she could even wear a crown on that massive dome.</p>
<p>And what the hell was she doing taking <em>Faith</em> &amp; <em>Xander</em> to the dance?</p>
<p>It was clearly a last minute campaign trick to steal the race from her. Southern Cal was as liberal as it got, how could a throuple not win?</p>
<p>She’d stolen the race. Not to mention whatever it was she’d done to Holly. Sure, the new girl hadn’t really been a threat. But dropping out of the race last minute only to start campaigning ‘<em>for’</em> Cordeila Chase?</p>
<p>Buffy smelled a rat.</p>
<p>Maybe the new girl had been a sleeper agent the whole time? Getting out the vote, only to all but hand them to the cheerleader right before the vote.</p>
<p>That kind of underhanded cheating had to be against the rules. But fat chance trying to convince Snyder of that.</p>
<p>It was a damned conspiracy.</p>
<p>“And what’s this about a magic carpet ride?!?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The End. For now.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well, all good things most come to an end. But don't worry, I'm sure I'll be back with more tales of the magical VCR.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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